Well......
Wellll........
Wellllll.......

I got the regular flu. ;_;
Been feeling like crap the last 2 weeks, but didnt go to the doctor, as i thought i could get rid of it, with just drinking water, and being careful. In the end, I couldnt.

Also, a few weeks back when assassin's creed 2 came out; it only took me 4 days to beat the game. That is how addicted i was to it. That game was quite freaking awesome. Of course it has its tiny flaws, but all in all it was quite a well rounded game.

I cant believe its almost been a year now since my grandmother passed away. It feels in some ways that its been like 20 years, and at others, it feels like its only been a few weeks. Christmas this year is going to be very sad again, since she passed away on the 22nd of dec.

I am getting so fired up over Assassin's creed 2. I cannot wait to finally be able to play it.

Things are still going great with Katie, starting to move into the more affectionate portion of the relationship. And we have spent almost every day together for the past 6 months. And we are still addicted to each other. So i think that it is going VERY well. I'm planning on going to the United Kingdom to see her in feb, and she is planning to come to america to see me for A-kon 21. I so hope that we can accomplish that. Because i would LOVE to see her at A-kon. xD

Almost been a year now since my grandmother passed away. Some times it feels like its been years, and other times it feels like its been weeks. I really hate that the people we care for, end up leaving us for a better place. Doesnt make it easy on the ones that have to stay behind, but i guess we all have the knowledge, that someday we will be reunited.

So aion was quite fun for the month i had it. World of warcraft has gone to hell. And valhalla knights sucked ass. Wet was a lot of fun. And hopefuly Magna Carta 2 will be good @_@

Okay muramasa is freaking amazing @_@. I just beat the girls story in like 2 days lol. Now playing the guys and so far in a day im already almost done with his. Then i have to work on the 2nd and 3rd ending for each of them. And then give the secret boss a try.

Phantom brave is a fun way to waste time. Just casually play it when you are bored.

Mana Khemia 2 was a let down. Just not as good as the first one ;_;

Now to wait for wet!

I dont understand what is so great about going out to a club. Katie loves to get all dressed up and go out to one. And im like, cant we just get friends together at the house put on some music and have drinks there, and have just as much if not, more fun than being in a club with a bunch of idiots that want to flirt with everyone, and try to score with almost every girl that is there. I just do not get it at all.

hmmmmmm RANDOMNESS!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!~!!~!~?!~?!~?!?~?!

dont really know what to say. King of fighters 12 was a huge huge let down. A waste of 60$ =_=

Okay this is for my own memory. As im sure i will forget this.

Wii:
The Little King's Story - 7/21/09
Phantom Brave: We Meet Again - 8/4/2009
Muramasa: The Demon Blade - 9/1/2009
Valhalla Knights: Eldar Saga - 9/30/2009
Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles: Crystal Bearers - 12/26/2009
Tatsunoko vs. Capcom: Ultimate All Stars - 1/26/2010
Fragile: Farewell Ruins of the Moon - 3/16/2010
Arc Rise Fantasia - 6/22/2010

DS:
Phantasy Star Ø - 11/10/2009
Sands of Destruction - 1/1/2010

Xbox 360:
King of Fighters XII - 7/20/2009
WET - 9/15/09
MagnaCarta 2 - 10/13/2009
Assassin's Creed 2 - 11/17/2009
Final Fantasy XIII - 3/9/2010
Alan Wake - 4/12/2010

PS2:
Mana Khemia 2: Fall of Alchemy Limited Edition - 8/25/09

PC:
Aion - 9/22/2009

must remember these dates.

Okay so I'm like totally addicted to Lux Pain. I bought this DS game on an impulse, and am I ever happy that I did. I cannot put this game down! I keep playing it, and playing it, and playing it some more. I have to squeeze an hour in before I go to sleep, before I go to work, and when I get home from work. It is just so damn intriguing, with its anime-ish feeling. And the whole reading peoples thoughts, is just so damn awesome.

On a completely unrelated note. Monday was my 25th birthday. It is hard to believe I have been alive now for a quarter of a century. My car insurance dropped finally. And let me tell you, it was really, really, really worth it. Nothing overly exciting happened for it. Friends bought me Rock Band 2 on the 360, and the other one bought me Halo 3. Which they both know that I hate, so it is still shrink wrapped, and I'm thinking of trading it in, as a new game, for one that I would more like to play.




ONLY FOUR MORE DAYS TILL THIS IS OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

alright~ So everything has actually turned around for me, and started going my way. Finally finalized the relationship with katie, so now we are together. Looking for a 2nd job. And just generally feeling a lot better about myself, than i used to. So definitely not too shabby.

Overly excited for BlazBlue to hit stateside on the 30th. And have to say knights in the nightmare @_@;;;;. Its somewhat fun, but for some reason i cannot put it down. I want to continue on, lol even though im just doing the same stuff over and over again. Also I cannot wait till assassin's creed 2 hits. I am so overly excited for this game, and for Aion: tower of eternity. So we will see if it will make me quit and uninstall world of warcraft. Which i highly suspect that it will.

Awesome amv.

So one more day now and i will be at the hotel gearing up for the convention. Woo~~~~ Cant wait for the freedom.

mmmm So only 3 days away from a-kon 20. Well today sucked mostly. Had a lot of arguments with my dad today. To where i heard about everything i have ever done wrong in my life. Bleh

So I'm actually quite happy for once. Not 100% happy, but still happy. Got a girl that likes me, and actually likes being with me. She's just too afraid that she'll hurt me to be fully 100% in a relationship. But that doesn't stop her from wanting to be with me, or wanting to do things together. So she said our relationship is a platonic one. Which is where we are as close as a couple can be, except for the fact that we aren't sexual. Which i can respect. She's even telling guys that are asking for her number, that she has me. So it's like were in a relationship, but we aren't. It's totally confusing. xD

12 days left until A-kon 20!!!!! Getting so excited, as this year I will be cosplaying again. And unlike the one that I did two years ago, hopefully this year they will know who I am. As it's not just a regular costume, that could be mistaken, that I am not cosplaying. And I'm losing weight too, and that is making me happy.

So for now, my life is looking upward.

sigh ive been doing decently well the last few weeks. But now apparently im annoying the hell out of my friend, when all im doing is being myself. Such a bullshit way to make me feel bad.

Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray the Lord my soul to keep.
If I should die before I wake
I pray the Lord my soul to take.

so our dog died yesterday. Only 5 years old.

so its been 2 months now since my grandmothers passing. And i dont feel any better about it than i did 2 months ago. =_=

Well this years valentines was a lot slower than last years. We only had about 76 deliveries from friday / saturday combined. Which last year we had nearly 150 just on valentines itself. And most people didnt seem overly happy to receive their flowers either. We even got a complaint about us leaving the flowers at a neighbors house. Saying how the police had been to that house a few days before, and how they didnt want to go get them. In the end they will be returning the flowers to us and never using us again. Good riddance xD. Got home around 3pm and passed out in the bed till dad woke me up at 6 saying he brought me home a valentine present. Which he had gotten some sushi from a local store we like and went to a bakery and bought a key lime pie and we drank a glass of champagne. Another valentines day as being single. That makes 24 now. Ahh the fun of life sometimes xD.

So yeah someone that i fell for, but she doesnt think anything of me, introduced me to a song that i overly like. But the dang song is depressing to listen to. As i feel that my life does suck without her Lmao.

Alright. So Obama finally took office yesterday. Its about time. I really cant wait to see what this man can do, and if he can pull off what he said he would. I really look forward to see how the world will be 3 years from now. And if we will all be praising him for all he did, or cussing him for all the promises he didnt fulfill.

Besides that. After everything that has happened recently. Ive started to move on from my grandmother death. But is it weird that i have dreams about her every night almost? Then a few weeks ago when i was just about over it, something else happened to me, and i had a bombshell dropped on me from someone and it made me regress again, and i was overly depressed again, till yesterday. Though i think the inauguration had a major help with that. And that beautiful quartet that played before his speech.

So a new year has come and passed. Happy 2009. Of course this year will start off terrible, since my grandmother passed away. And the grieving process brings down the happiness that you receive. But thats just normal. As your heart has to heal and be okay with the fact that she no longer is here. It wont be the last time i have to go through this, but this one right now was really bad for me. As i was so close to her. Helped her out everytime she asked me to. Took her anywhere she needed to go. Watched out after her, so that she wouldnt fall and hurt herself. And did everything as best as i could. Of course we would have our fights and our arguments. And we bickered back and forth a bit. But thats normal in any family. And even though its said, and it hurts at the time, or you feel terrible for what you said. With time it passes and you get over it and move on. As you are family and love each other. I hated seeing her the way she was the last 3 weeks of her life. It hurt so badly to see her degrade as she did. She couldnt even walk anymore, so my dad and i had to lift her and move her anywhere she needed to go. Even during the middle of the night we would wake up and put her on the toilet chair we fixed next to the bed so that she wouldnt have to walk so much. And as the weeks went on, she just couldnt do anything at all. Shed barely eat, all she would do would be sleep. Shed get angry easilly. But so did my dad and myself as we were frustrated that she wasnt feeling good. My dad was on edge and would bite anyones head off if you said the wrong thing. But he really couldnt help it. She got to the point that she couldnt even raise her head up or sit up straight long. And if you touched her neck she would yell out in pain. And it hurt me because i was hurting her. But i was only trying to help her out and maybe make her feel better in the end. I didnt really talk to her much as i wanted to give her space to recover and i just didnt know what to say in general to her. I had my own things that i do/did to pass the time, and she ended up thinking that i hated her, because i wouldnt spent time with her. And it truly hurt me inside that she would think that, as i really just didnt know how to handle it. Id listen for her to hollar or ask for me and id rush in there to see what i could do to help, but i just couldnt stay in there for long as i would feel so sorry for her. And wish that i could give her my body somehow and take her place. And as we neered her death. The last few days though, she just couldnt remember anything at all, or recall anything. She slepted about 18-22 hours of the day, and would hollar in pain anytime we had to get her up. It tore me up inside to have to force her out of the bed, because she couldnt do it herself, and hear her scream in pain. Twentfy four years ive been with her. I was partially raised by her, and taught everything that i know today by her. And here she is so helpless and there just nothing that i could do about it at all. Then the last day of her life. My dad was talking to her while she was on the toilet and he just started crying out loud. And she just kept talking and hed cry more. After we got her in the bed again i asked him what was wrong, and he said he doubted she would live much longer. I was shocked and asked how he knew that. And he said she was talking to herself about people being in the room with her that had been dead 5 to 40 years or more. And how they were there to get her. I was shocked and thought to myself that theres no way that it could happen. Shes supposed to have her heart surgery in a few weeks, and shes supposed to get all better from it. She has to last till then. I then came into my room and cried, tears of sadness, tears that no one could see, because i needed her in my life. She was too great a person in my life to be gone before the surgery. I listened intently to any noises she made that day and went in instantly so that maybe me being there would give her the boost she needed to make it. I talked to her that whole day when she was awake or needed something. And then that night. Right before we gave her the nighttime medicine, i lied next to her and held her hands, and just looked at her. Patting her hand softly and wishing that she would make it. Saying that i loved her. We then got her up and decided that it would be better to just crush up all the mediciene and mix it in her apple sauce, instead of having her swallow anything. We even cut open the capsules and mixed them with the other medicines in hopes that it might help her out just slightly. I said my goodnight to her and told her i loved her one more time, before i went back to my room to continue doing what i normally do. And then called it a night around 12:30 in the morning. When suddenly my dad came rushing through my door at 5:20 in the morning calling my name, till i woke up and looked at him. Hes like quickly put your cloths on. Your grandmother has passed away during the night. The ambulance is on its way right now. I just stared at the wall and looked at the clock. 5:22am. How could she be gone. She was alive just a few hours ago. How is this possible. What did i do wrong. What could i have done differently. Is this some kind of bad dream im having. This cant be real. Wait what the ambulance is coming. I quickly put some cloths on that i had worn the other day as i clear my head as best as i can. And go into the room. And there she is in the bed. With the covers on her, eyes closed, skin turning a bit white. And i just look at her. You really are dead arent you. You really have gone away somewhere where i cant follow. I just look down and smile gently as i know that she is finally reunited with my grandfather whom shes longed for for the last 5 years since his passing. And i walk out of the room saying, youre finally together again, and head toward the front door. As the paramedics rush into the house and showing them where she is. They kept asking for a no resuscitation paper, and were telling them that shes already starting to get cold. Theres no need for them to resuscitate her. But they kept demanding it till we started to go and get it then they decided that they didnt need it as she was already too far gone. The police officer came in with them and after they left turned it into a crime scene. And refused any of us from entering the room because she died at home and not at the hospital or under supervision from a medical personnel. We quickly called our friend that runs a funeral home and told them the news and they rushed over quickly. I also had my dad call his best friend to have him come over. My dad forced me to call one of my friends and tell him and have him come over for me. Which i really didnt want to do. Because he usually goes to bed late and id rather he sleep than have to come over and deal with me. Especially since i cant open up to any of my friends, and id have to entertain them if they came. But dad insisted and so i called him and told him. He came right over, but i couldnt open up to him and just kept him occupied trying to get my mind off of what happened. They then rolled my grandmother out of the house and to the funeral home long enough for her to be transported to the burial place. Where they would do everything she wanted to have done for when she did pass. All i could do is imagine that she was still alive somewhere and i couldnt get ahold of her. The rest of the day was just flat out surreal. The whole day just felt like some dream. Dad and his friend went to the burial place and set up everything that had to be done for her burial the next day. I took my friend to the movie theater in hopes that it would help to get my mind off of it all and then out to lunch after. When we all got home again we sat around and talked a bit before everyone dispersed later that night. And we went to bed. I just sat in my room and bawled my eyes out. This really is reality and not just some bad nightmare. I couldnt sleep much that night, or when i did i had nightmares that would wake me up. So all i could do was lie there and think for most of the night, and wonder just where everything will go from here. Around 6am i finally fell asleep until 10am when i woke up. And reality set in again. All i could do was be depressed and try to be as strong as i could be for my dad as he was overly depressed himself. All we could do that day was just do things that kept our minds off it as much as we could. And decide what to do after its all done. So many things we need to do, and so little time to do it in. What a mess.

Of course this is just the account from my perspective and im sure most of the ppl dont care to read something like this, but i needed to write this down and get it off my chest.

well this sucks. Grandmother just died on me.